Burch: Bishop Romney's Modest Proposal

Thursday, September 20, 2012 at 10:05pm
By Michael R. Burch

Note: My little fairy tale was inspired by Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” the 1729 satire in which he suggested that Ireland could solve its problems with poverty if parents ate their burdensome children. Willard Mitt Romney seems to have a similar but slightly less gory plan for the 150 million Americans he finds burdensome.


Bishop Romney consulted his mirror, and it confirmed that he was the handsomest of all the presidential candidates.

Bishop Romney then consulted his magical undies, and they confirmed that God does, indeed, favor the rich over the poor, the healthy over the sick, the young over the elderly, whites over non-whites, Jews over Palestinians, heterosexuals over homosexuals, billionaires over union workers, and men over women.

Finally, Bishop Romney consulted his neo-con advisers, and they confirmed that even though the war with Iraq over weapons it did not possess was an unmitigated disaster attacking Iran for the same reason would miraculously usher in a new “American Century.”

Bishop Romney basked in the glow of the certain knowledge that he is a messiah destined to lead America to glory upon glory. But Bishop Romney had a perplexing problem. How, oh how could he achieve his two primary goals of helping his rich patrons avoid the inconvenience of paying federal income taxes, while helping his hawkish cronies resume their quest to usher in an “American Century” by launching war after war in the Middle East?

How could he reduce federal income taxes on the wealthiest 1 percent to less than 1 percent while raising military spending to $8 trillion over the next 10 years? The numbers just refused to add up.

Then Bishop Romney had his Eureka Moment. The parting of the clouds fogging his brain was like the parting of the Red Sea. Suddenly, he saw and understood! He could rid the United States of 47 percent of its population by claiming that food is an “entitlement.” Once 150 million Americans had been eradicated like so many cockroaches, by denying them food, there would be far less “flab” in the American national waistline.

Then the remaining healthy Americans could work night and day, toiling like drudges to paying all the nation’s bills, while the wealthiest 1 percent relaxed and lived the lives of opulent luxury they so richly deserved, just a Bishop Romney did himself. There would be plenty of money left over to fight unwinnable wars, once the poor had been purged. So the children of the drudges could fight war after war on false premises, and if they returned unable to work and pay taxes, they too could be starved to death. It was the perfect plan, and the answer to every fascist’s most fervent prayer!

Bishop Romney was so pleased with his Modest Proposal to kill 150 million birds with one stone that he blurted it out prematurely to some of his closest billionaire friends. Alas, one of those friends was a backstabber who did not agree that starving millions of Americans to death by calling food an “entitlement” is the proper path to national glory. The dastardly traitor blew the whistle, and now it seems that Bishop Romney may have sung his swan song.

Somewhere out west Paul Ryan popped his head out of a gopher hole just long enough to cry “Obviously inarticulate!” prophesying the delay of the new American Century until he heads the ticket, then vanished from sight again.

But perhaps all is not lost, because there are already rumors that Bishop Romney will outsource his Pauper Eradication System Template (PEST)  to China, where other super-rich fascists can employ it, in return for hefty royalties. As always, Bishop Romney will profit, as other people’s heads roll, till the Cayman Islands and Bermuda finally vanish like Atlantis beneath the weight of his tax-free banknotes.

Michael R. Burch is a Nashville-based editor and publisher of Holocaust poetry and other “things literary” at www.thehypertexts.com.

Filed under: City Voices

75 Comments on this post:

By: Loner on 9/21/12 at 7:49


By: Ask01 on 9/21/12 at 8:36

(click, click, click)

Perhaps I need new batteries.

By: Ask01 on 9/22/12 at 4:46

Thank you, Mike.

I am constantly amazed citizens pledge so much support to someone who has, by his unvarnished, from the heart comments, written off nearly half the residents of this nation.

While there are doubtless those who defraud the system, many whom Willard terms "entitled" in the most derogatory manner have truly earned the money they are receiving, having paid into the 'system' their entire lives. This group, obviously retirees not fortunate enough to have an employer co-funded retirement fund, or paid so poorly, they were unable to set aside more than a pittance for their declining years should be among the first to denounce the three R's of Romney, Ryan, and Republicans.

I have wondered how many of those he claims pay no taxes actually "paid" through forced withholdings, but received all funds back except that earmarked for Social Security and Medicare? All because filthy rich corporate executives will not willingly pay living wages.

While I cannot in good conscience lay the blame for the precarious situation of Social Security totally at Willard's feet, I can blame ALL politicians who have treated those forced withholdings as a slush fund for pet projects instead of zealously guarding and nuturing those funds.

Willard may soon find the 47% swelling rapidly as more and more voters, because of his statements, realize he is the agent for the rich who intend to become richer at the expense of workers.

You know, those people without whom the rich would just be average schlubs, having to get their own hands dirty.

History often turns on random, even obscure events, and this slip of the silver tongue may just be the catalyst the foreshadows the decline and fall of a major political party.

Have a great day.

By: parnell3rd on 9/22/12 at 5:31

Welcome to the racist club Mr. Burch. For critizizing and insulting Mit Romney, surely you must be a racist. After all he is of Mexican Heritage.
When your minions read your articles, they then call people racist for not being agreeable with Pres. Obama's policies.

By: yogiman on 9/22/12 at 8:15


It's interesting you [click] on my comments unless you see me wrong. So how about reading www.wnd.com/2012/09/more-confusion-about-obamas-real-father/

Comparing the three photos (Obama, Obama Sr. and Frank Marshall Davis), would you agree Frank Marshall Davis is his father?

If he is registered as his father, that would make Obama a natural born citizen. But when he was adopted by his step-father he became an Indonesian citizen. And when you lose you natural born citizen status, you cannot get it back.

But again, why did he advertise as being born in Kenya for 16 years? Did his mother go there to have him to make it look like Obama [Sr] was his father to get the wolf off of Davis' back?

By: yogiman on 9/22/12 at 8:59


You claim Obama is a good man who is interested in being a good president. So tell me, with all of the questions about his constitutional eligibility, why has he refused to prove his eligibility for four years and still refusing to prove his eligibility to serve 4 more years? Do you think is might be possible he knows he isn't? Can anyone vote for someone who refuses to prove their eligibility?

Can you explain why he court marshaled Lt.Col. Terry Laken for refusing to follow orders unless Barry proved those orders to be in order?

By: govskeptic on 9/22/12 at 1:15


I have just noticed that your "International Day of Peace" has gone to
hell in a hand basket over the last couple of days. It appears the
Islamic world is calling it Peaceful if less than two or three hundred
are killed. There appears to be a difference in 7th Century and
21st Century codes of behavior toward one another. .

By: yogiman on 9/22/12 at 7:49

Question, Mike.

How many different names is Barack Obama legally authorized to use? I've always thought you was entitled to only one legal name.

So is his legal name Barack Hussein Obama II, Barack Hussein Obama (without the designation "II" indicating Barack Hussein Obama Jr), Barry Soetoro or Barack Hussein Obama Soebarkah?

All of these names have been produced since 2008 regarding Obama's life story and his passport records. Which is his legal name?

By: yogiman on 9/22/12 at 8:02


I understand you're a good reader. Unless you're "one of them", I'd like to recommend and article written by a man named Robert Welch on November 1, 1966.

As I've stated before, I'm not a master on this computer but I believe you can find that article through google or bing called [Our Republic - The Truth in Time].

It should tell you how the US has reached the level it's now in.

If the UN ever gains control of the US, which is one of Obama's goals through Gun Control, the USA is dead.

By: yogiman on 9/22/12 at 8:06

Oh, and if you and your co-clangers hit that upper "clang" switch, Loner, y'all can read it, too.

By: Captain Nemo on 9/22/12 at 8:29


By: yogiman on 9/23/12 at 6:50

You hit the wrong button, dumba$$. Hit the other one.

By: yogiman on 9/23/12 at 7:05

Any of you guys supporting Obama's "chip" program? Read HR 3200, Sect 2521, Pg 1001, Para. 1.

Looks like the guvmunt was to identify you like a pig. Or a cow. They may identify you as a bull(sh!tter).

By: yogiman on 9/23/12 at 8:00

Interesting identity, Mike.

It seems Obama's lawyer admits Barry's birth certificate is a forgery. So, does that make him qualified because his lawyer admitted he isn't who he says he it?


By: yogiman on 9/23/12 at 8:10

More fun shows, Mike. Like one that Obama tried to keep from being seen.


Try it, you might like it.

By: yogiman on 9/23/12 at 8:24

Another recommendation, Mike. An article Lloyd Marcus (a black American) wrote about Obama.


By: Captain Nemo on 9/23/12 at 9:59

Loner, your 9/21/12 8:49 post has been shown before, but trolls can not or will not except that fact. You are being forced to repeat yourself.

By: Captain Nemo on 9/23/12 at 10:03

p3’s 9/22/12 6:31 post is an example of how the GOP’s teabags try to hide the fact that they are racist by calling everyone that disagrees with them as being racists.

By: yogiman on 9/23/12 at 11:58

A good 1 minute ad for you Obama fans.

youtube.com/watch_popup?feature=player_embedded&v=Czo5f8Zs/ Enjoy.

But a better one is a talk given by a Dr. Barbara Beller running for the Senate in Illinois? Barry's old seat?


By: Captain Nemo on 9/23/12 at 12:10


By: yogiman on 9/23/12 at 5:20

A interesting article on Islam. Go to www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8c38_46W5c/

By: bfra on 9/23/12 at 6:35


By: yogiman on 9/23/12 at 7:30

Exposing your ignorance, huh? Intentionally or just plain ignorance?

By: yogiman on 9/23/12 at 7:52

bad f@rter repeating again,

Use that little pea sized brain you have in your skull. Unlike you, I will honor the privilege to post on this site you and your fellow posters seem to think is your sole privilege.

I'll make my comments and y'all can read them or ignore them. That is your right and privilege.

And frankly, I don't care which way you go. Your ignorance of the political agenda has made you blind to the political situation.

By: Captain Nemo on 9/23/12 at 7:53