Burch: An interview with a Tea Party superstar

Thursday, December 15, 2011 at 10:05pm
By Michael R. Burch

Mike Burch interviews the latest, greatest Tea Party superstar.

In a remarkable stroke of good fortune, I was able to meet with the Tea Party’s latest, greatest superstar presidential candidate, just before he formally announced his candidacy. Here are the results of my exclusive interview with Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle. Please forgive the simplicity of my hastily arranged questions, but I think you may find his answers illuminating.


Q: Sir, what is your position on government regulation of business?

A: Business good. Government bad.


Q: Sir, what is your position on Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid?

A: Lambs die. Lions feast. Tarzan very healthy, strong! Why Tarzan help weaklings?


Q: But sir, I hear that, like most Tea Party types, you don’t have any savings. What will you do when you are unable to house and feed yourself?

A: Ugh, Tarzan not know! Maybe Obama have pity on poor Tarzan?


Q: Sir, what is your position on gay marriage?

A: Straights good, go heaven. Gays bad, go hell. Why be nice people go hell?


Q: Sir, what is your position on immigration?

A: White like Tarzan good. Dark bad, very dangerous. Not look like Tarzan, scare Jane.


Q: Sir, what is your position on evolution?

A: Tarzan born perfect. Evolution stupid theory.


Q: But what about dinosaur bones and DNA?

A: Tarzan not believe in DNA, evolution, round earth, other stupid theory. Tarzan believe Bible! Earth flat, immovable, has fixed foundations and pillars, like Bible say.


Q: Sir, what is your position on cutting military spending?

A: Need big stick, beat enemies to pulp. Spend more, not less!


Q: But how is it possible to have a huge military empire, with nearly a thousand bases overseas, and fight trillion-dollar wars, yet have a smaller federal government?

A: Tarzan not know. Tarzan head suddenly hurt.


Q: Sir, what is your position on religion?

A: Christians good. Muslims bad.


Q: Lord Tarzan, you claim to be a Bible-believing Christian, but Jesus Christ, his apostles and the Hebrew prophets all repeatedly said that the rich should help the poor, not oppress or abandon them. And yet politically you are clearly a firm believer in a Darwinian “survival of the fittest,” as you advocate slashing Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid and unemployment benefits. But Jesus said Christians should give everything but the shirt on their backs to people in need, and of course Jesus followed his own advice, dying with just one garment to his name. How can you possibly reconcile your politics with your religion?

A: Tarzan not know. Tarzan just ape-man, not deep thinker. Tarzan always bad student, like Bush, Palin, Bachmann, Perry. When in doubt, Tarzan get very angry, go on warpath, destroy enemy tree house. Then Tarzan rule jungle! Now go away, Tarzan have splitting headache!

72 Comments on this post:

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 7:36


I am constantly beating the drums on the issue in trying to convince you and your fellow posters of the usurper in office. How can you accept someone in the Oval Office you know nothing about? Haven't you even wondered why he is so secretive with his identity?

And it isn't just Barry Soetoro alone on this issue. The point that the Electoral
College voted him in office without certifying his legal eligibility and the Senate approving their vote also without assuring his legal eligibility scares the hell out of me. And considering the fact no state secretary confirmed his legal eligibility scares me even more.

I thought I had answered the question about Newt Gingrich before, but to repeat it; if his father was an American citizen, and his mother was an American citizen, he is was a natural born citizen at the time of his birth.

You didn't make any stipulation about his stepfather. You simply state he was given his stepfather's name. That in itself would be immaterial unless his stepfather was not an American citizen and he took his stepfather's citizenship. If that was not the case he would retain his natural born status.

You need to go back to school, dargent7. If "Barack Obama" was a natural born citizen at birth, he lost that status when adopted by his stepfather and giving his Indonesian citizenship. Once you lose that natural born status, you cannot get it back through the naturalization process for citizenship.

I ask again, why is Barry Soetoro so secretive in his identity?

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 7:44


you might want to go to www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&page1d=378365. Tell me what you think of that law our communist legislature just passed and sent to Barry for affirmation.

Ya wanna go to Gitmo Bay at his will? I hope its a good vacation area.

By: dargent7 on 12/17/11 at 8:07

Yogi: When has Newt Gingrich EVER mentioned his real name is Newton McPherson?
When has he boasted about his family tree, stating he took his mother's 2nd husband's last name, "Gingrich"? What was her maiden name? What was the father's name on his Birth Cert.?
When has Mitt Romney said his real name is "Willard"? How does one get "Mitt" from Willard?
Bragged about his father being born in Mexico?
And Obama's "secretive"?

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 8:33


Don't you think if there was any question about Gingrich or Romney they would have already brought it out under the current circumstances? Or do you think it might be the reason it's kept quite because they fear the issue would come out on Soetoro?

And by the way, if Newt's original name was Newton McPherson, when you are adopted, you lose your original name and your original birth certificate is put under lock and key.

And haven't you ever heard of a person being called by a "nickname"? In case you aren't from here, that's common in the USA.

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 9:01


Don't you think if there was any question about Gingrich or Romney it would have already been brought it out under the current circumstances? Or do you think the reason it's kept quite is because they fear the issue would force Soetoro to present his?

And by the way, if Newt's original name was Newton McPherson, when you are adopted, you lose your original name and your original birth certificate is put under lock and key.

And haven't you ever heard of a person being called by a "nickname"? In case you aren't from here, that's common in the USA.

dargent7, Barry Soetoro is just a puppet to masters. With his obvious ego he feels he will become dictator of the new communist party.

Question: Why do you think "congress" continues to pass ruling laws completely out of context with our constitution?

By: Captain Nemo on 12/17/11 at 9:24

d7 is fool bashing on a Saturday morning.

You would have a better chance at teaching a dumb rock to rollover, than to explain to yogi facts. lol

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 9:39

It requires knowledge to teach, dumba.., which it is obvious you don't have.

By: bfra on 12/17/11 at 10:24

yogi - Cram this down your throat & all your lunatic ranting & raving, isn't going to change it:

The 44th and current president of the United States, Barack Obama was born August 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii. He was a civil rights lawyer before pursuing a political career, first as Illinois State Senator, and later as the first African-American president of the United States. President Obama continues to enact policy changes in response to the issues of health care and economic crisis.

By: Captain Nemo on 12/17/11 at 10:53

Your right yogi I don’t have the knowledge to teach someone as dumb as you.
Now shut up yogi.

By: Captain Nemo on 12/17/11 at 10:54

Good morning bfra. How are you doing to day? It is a beautiful day to be wasting on yogi when there are so many rocks that are capable of learning. ;-0

By: bfra on 12/17/11 at 11:30

Good morning Nemo - Just thought I would give the dumb old coot a refresher course on our President. Not that it can sink in to an empty space!

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 11:54

I'm simply trying to ease your ignorance out of your thick skull, bfra. You say he was born in Hawaii on August 4, 1961. How do you know? If he was, simply being born there does not make him legally eligible to hold that office. Both parent must be American citizens at the time of birth. Give it a common sense thought: Why does only those two offices (Pres & VP) require that status? The reasoning by our founders was to make sure they weren't going to have someone in office whom would find in favor of a foreign nation.

What did "Obama" go to Kenya and help in their political actions for (he was a senator at that time)? He should have stayed the hell out of Kenyan politics as an American Senator.

You obviously don't know as much as I do about this situation, but if you think Barry Soetoro is legally eligible for that office, you have another think coming.

Ask yourself a few sensible questions; Why did he repeatedly state (for years) he could not show his birth certificate because the Hawaiian government would not allow him to show it, when all of a sudden he could? Why was the one he presented printed from a computer when in 1961 they were printed on a common typewriter? And why did the Health Dept. Executive make the comment it was half written in pencil yet the one he "presented" was fully typed (except for the signatures)?

Don't you wonder why his SSN won't pass the E-Verify program if its actually his? Don't you wonder why the file number on his "birth certificate" is higher than the number of two twin girls that were born after him in the hospital he claims to have been born in? Don't you wonder why such a hospital would not want such free advertisement? Don't you wonder why the hospital he wrote his "thank you" letter did not exist the time of his birth? Do you not wonder why his sister gave a different name of the hospital then he?

Unless you are ready for a dictator in a communist nation, bfra, you and your co-posters had better wake up.

And if you would look at the laws being passed by the group we call our congress, you better start doing some thinking on the issue.

Three years in office: Where have they decided to build his "presidential" library? The only place I've heard of so far is Kenya.

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 12:45


Can you or any of your co-posters explain why "Barack Obama" refused to wear the American flag pin or place his hand over his heart during the pledge of allegiance to our flag... until he was named the democrat candidate for the Oval Office? Didn't think so.

Can you explain why "Barack Obama" canceled the 'White House National Day of Prayer' and instead feasting the 'Muslim holiday of Ramadan'? Again, didn't think so.

By: bfra on 12/17/11 at 12:49

yogi - Can you tell me why you keep posting dumb stupid comments over & over, with no proof or verification of what you post? Didn't think so!

I can, you are stupid!

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 2:49

No, bfra, you and your co-posters who seem to be so in love with the currant usurper are the stupid ones. I feel sorry for your ignorance in many ways..., unless you are co-communist with Barry Soetoro.

As I have said, time will tell. It has in the past and will in the future. Let's see what happens between now and November 2012, OK?

As I have stated before, if Barry can prove he is in that office legally I will apologize to him and welcome him to the club. But I don't believe I'll ever had to apologize to him.

And I would make sure you and your co-posters would see that apology.

Now.., will you and your fellow posters apologize to me when it is shown beyond any reasonable doubt and you realize and understand your error and how stupid you were to have gained it?

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 3:05


May I make you the same offer I presented to dargent7? Send me a self addressed postage paid envelope that will hold a 41/2 by 61/2 pocket sized copy of the US constitution and I would be glad to send you a copy. As I noted to him, you don't need to put your name on it, just an address. PO Box would be fine.

Believe me, this is a special offer to overcome your constitutional ignorance, not to insult you on the issue. I buy them by the boxes and pass them out quite frequently in parades or other events.

And by the way, dargent7 hasn't accepted yet and I doubt he will. Wanna be first?

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 4:12


Are you familiar with the bill the Senate passed 12/15 called "The National Defense Authorization Act"? I advise you to look it up. It gives our "guvmunt" the authorization to arrest and imprison you without charge or trial. It has been sent to the White House and the usurper (president) is expected to sign it. That bill gives the "guvmunt" the 'right' (authority) to arrest you without just cause and send you to Gitmo Bay until they decide to release you... if ever. They can search your home or business without your consent. Great "guvmunt" right in our Constitution, isn't it?

Only 13 senators voted against that bill; Lamar Alexander and Bob Corker weren't among them.

By: bfra on 12/17/11 at 4:57

yogi has really flipped today: Was heard singing:
They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa
To the funny farm. Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be
happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're
coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!!!

By: yogiman on 12/17/11 at 6:28

Are you trying to welcome me to your club? Thanks, I'll pass.

By: Captain Nemo on 12/18/11 at 12:07


The old fool thinks that the song, they’re coming to take me away, is a invite to join normal people.

No yogi it is a song about men in white coats coming to take you to the Looney Bin.

Such a idiot this old yogiman is.

By: yogiman on 12/18/11 at 12:42

I presume you learned the song from practice and experience, dumba... Congratulations!

By: Loner on 12/18/11 at 4:12

I can see that the spirit of Christmas is alive and well on these boards....lots of bitter name-calling etc.....instead of "Peace onto you, my brother.", it's "Piss onto you, my brother."

Instead of "good will towards mankind.", it's "ill will towards mankind".

Instead of "brotherly love", it's "brotherly loathe"....oh yes, brothers can loathe each other...sisters too.

Can we all just get along for the rest of the Christmas season? After that, we can resume our normal roles.

Merry Christmas, to all my friends in Nashville!