Ask Amy

Thursday, September 13, 2012 at 10:05pm

DEAR AMY: Recently my boyfriend moved to a town a couple of hours away to attend college, while I'm left in our hometown to complete my senior year of high school. We're planning on trying out a long-distance relationship for now.

I was supposed to see him the day he left, but he called a half-hour beforehand and said he had just been too busy all day. He asked if he could instead try to come back the following weekend to see me. However, since then, he hasn't been in touch.

I've been trying to just let things be, not wanting to come off as a "clingy" girlfriend. I understand he needs his space, especially since he is just starting college. However, I'm hurt that he's suddenly cutting off contact with me. I called him once, and we had a brief conversation before he abruptly cut it off.

Now, I'm waiting for him to contact me first. If he's busy, I don't want to bother him. I'm still upset and feel very ignored. Things were great between us before he left; I just want things back the way they were.

How should I deal with this? Should I wait for him to call or text first? Should I tell him how I feel?

— Hurt Girlfriend

DEAR HURT: The first thing you should do is to recognize that your long-distance relationship isn't working out, so far. You can't have the same relationship you had before because a very important component has changed.

Your boyfriend might be feeling overwhelmed with all of the very sudden changes in his life, but recognize that if he wanted to be in touch with you, he would be. The best response is not to wait around but to live your own life to the fullest.

If you haven't heard from your boyfriend after several more days, you should let him know that you have been hurt by his inattention but that you are doing your best to carry on.

DEAR AMY: Over the years I've read multiple stories about hurt feelings or battles over inheritances. My mother was one of 10 children (three boys and seven girls). My grandfather was an ornery man who from the time I was born was always taking people in and out of his will.

My mother and my aunts and uncles are all wonderful, responsible hardworking people. By the time my grandfather died, five of his children were in the will and five were not. The five children left in the will received their inheritance checks and in turn wrote a check for half of the amount to a sibling not left in the will.

I've always thought others could learn from their example. In the case of "Sad Daughter," you were right in saying she could share her own inheritance with her children.

— Grateful

DEAR GRATEFUL: My aunt also shared an inheritance under similar circumstances. It is a generous and thoughtful gesture.

DEAR AMY: I'm a 5-foot-9-inch woman, and it really amazes me to hear how many people have a thing about height: The guy always "has" to be taller. I've had my fill over the years of men who didn't want me to wear heels, wanted me to hunch a bit while walking, etc., and for every insecure short man, there seems to be three women who are just as stubborn.

Here's something for all you tall ladies to ponder over: The average American guy is 5 feet 8 inches tall. Why, oh why, would you turn down a decent man, a good man or a hardworking man for something as shallow and silly as, "He's too short"?

My husband is 5 feet 5 inches tall, and I couldn't love him more. It takes a confident, self-secure man to proudly hold a taller woman on his arm. He might be short, but he has a huge heart.


DEAR BJW: Legendary chef Julia Child was 6 feet 2 inches. Her devoted husband, Paul, was a more average height: 5 feet 9 inches. I've heard from many such "mismatched" couples who report that they're perfectly happy.

Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson's memoir, The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.

Filed under: Lifestyles
Tagged: ask amy

1 Comment on this post:

By: NewYorker1 on 9/14/12 at 3:32

It's not the size of a man's height that counts. It's the size of something else that is the real deal breaker. LOL...