Ask Amy

Thursday, October 15, 2009 at 8:45pm

DEAR AMY: I happened to meet up with my high school sweetheart more than four years ago. I fell in love with her again, and we had an affair. The affair made me end a 32-year marriage.

My sweetheart kept her marriage together, and I always respected that.

Recently, though, she virtually walked away without any commentary whatsoever, other than a phone call when she said she still thinks about me.

I want to get together, vet this situation and have at least that last quiet moment together, but she has remained silent.

I do not want to push myself on her, but I am burning inside and ready to reveal this entire relationship — not as revenge, of course, but to serve as a learning experience not to fool with someone's emotions without facing the consequences.

Is there anything to be gained by bringing this out to her husband?

— Hurt in Wisconsin

DEAR HURT: Well, it's a relief that you aren't feeling vengeful, because as the saying goes, "revenge is a dish best served cold."

Right now, you are piping hot and angry. Of course you're vengeful. It is obvious and understandable that you would like to wreak a little havoc.

Simmer down before you do anything drastic.

I need to point out that you cheated on your wife before dumping her. Your energy might best be served reflecting on your own behavior and the part you played in this mess, as well as the pain it has caused you and others.

You could "out" your former sweetheart to her husband, but I dare say it wouldn't provide you a shred of satisfaction. It would make you seem wounded.

I'd be surprised if your sweetheart granted you the relationship-vetting meeting you desire, so rather than press to meet, you should do your best to walk away from this train wreck.

My own high school reunion is coming up; thanks for the reminder that emotional intrigue lurks behind the bunting.


DEAR AMY: I am going to college near home and live with my parents, but in a year will be moving to another state to live with my best friend and continue my schooling. I am moving because a particular program is not offered nearby.

My best girlfriend and I have always wanted to be roommates. The only problem is that I have a boyfriend of three years who lives near me now.

He said he would be willing to move and go to school near me, but only if he could live with my best friend and me, because he could not afford to live on his own and does not know anyone in the area.

They get along well, but I know she wants it to be just a "girls' house" and not feel like a third wheel.

I love my boyfriend very much, but I don't want to ruin plans with my best friend. What should I do?

— Stuck in the Middle

DEAR STUCK: Give your girlfriend the benefit of ample advance notice about this living situation.

Living as a threesome only works in ancient episodes of "Three's Company" (and even then, high jinks ensued).

Otherwise, living with a couple is a drag. Your girlfriend deserves the opportunity to find another roommate.


DEAR AMY: I was a little outraged at you this morning. "Concerned" wrote to you about her 16-year-old friend, a swimmer who was underweight. You recommended against going to the coach about this.

I have coached high school sports for a long time. I can't think of one coach who would give an athlete poor advice regarding losing weight, self-esteem, etc.

It is hard to get teachers to coach because the pay is low, the hours are quite long and the headaches are numerous, but the kids and competition make it worthwhile.

Please mention how valuable coaches are, and encourage kids to trust and seek out their coaches' help.

— Devoted Coach

DEAR COACH: I agree with you about the dedication of coaches.

I was concerned that with a sports-related eating disorder, in "Concerned's" case the coach might have been part of the problem.


Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com

Filed under: Lifestyles

1 Comment on this post:

By: courier37027 on 10/16/09 at 10:25

Dear Hurt in Wisconsin, had you been a quarterback for an NFL franchise you would have been admired for an adulterous affair. Hey, it's just a mistake. Hometown fans understand. Do what you wnt when you want, because touchdown passes are among the criteria that get you into heaven. If David Letterman can do what he wants with another consenting adult, so should you. Forget what Amy advises.