Ask Amy

Monday, December 7, 2009 at 11:45pm

DEAR AMY: I met "Steve," a 42-year-old man, on an Internet dating site. We had sex within two weeks of meeting, something I never do.

The following week, after I came down with a terrible cold, he wanted to be intimate with me. I told him no because I didn't feel well.

He didn't call for two days. The following weekend, I was still coughing, and I said no again.

He didn't call for another two days. He wants to sleep over and wants me to go away with him.

I just don't feel right about this. I barely know him.

I would like a nice boyfriend. He says he wants a girlfriend.

I just don't have a good feeling about this. He stares at me a lot, which makes me uncomfortable. I haven't been sleeping well, and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this. Am I crazy or just afraid?

What should I do?

- Miss Matched

DEAR MISS: You want a boyfriend, but "Steve" seems to want a booty call.

It's challenging - but possible - to roll back a relationship after you've already been intimate, but only if both parties agree that they want a "do over."

You slept with Steve and regret it. That weird feeling you're having is your gut telling you that you don't actually like or trust this guy. Don't make matters worse by trying to justify your intimacy by shoehorning a romantic relationship into a scenario where none exists.

Chalk this up to an unfortunate mistake, learn from it, stop seeing Steve - and behave differently next time.


DEAR AMY: I am a 41-year-old mom. I have been a bridesmaid in many weddings, including those of all of my siblings.

Last summer, when I was a bridesmaid for my brother and his wife, I felt pretty darn old in that full-length, strapless, satin dress.

My youngest sister is 13 years younger than me. She is getting married and wants me to be a bridesmaid. I told her about feeling a little old for the job, and she said that I could wear any dress of my choosing, as long as it is the same color as the other bridesmaids'.

Now that I have done so, she has told other family members that she thinks it will look strange if I am the only one wearing a different dress.

Should I wear the halter-top, taffeta, short dress that the other women are wearing?

I don't think I look "bad" in it; it's just not appropriate for this 41-year-old.

One bridesmaid is 30 and the rest are in their late 20s. Even though I was up upfront with my sister about this, should I give in to make her happy on her wedding day?

- Guilty Bridesmaid

DEAR BRIDESMAID: There is a special category of bridesmaid for those of us who are married, or a little long in the tooth: the matron of honor. This antiquated-sounding designation seems a better fit for a woman who is more of an antique than an ingenue.

Your sister might be open to your wearing something a little more matronly if you are given this honorific (some brides have both maids of honor and matrons of honor in their bridal party).

Your sister should be taking her concerns to you, not to other family members. Talk to her. Try not to roll your eyes at the silliness of it all. If you are part of the wedding party, ultimately you should wear what she wants you to wear.


DEAR AMY: The letter from "Unbagged" made me laugh because I met my husband in the supermarket.

I had been divorced for only a few months and had no real intention of getting involved with a man. But one day, when I was looking for a certain brand of macaroni and cheese, a store employee asked if he could help me. It was only then that I looked up and made eye contact with him.

Long story short, the store had exactly what I was looking for, and we were married eight months later.

The right person is out there in the most ordinary of places.

- Aisle to Aisle

DEAR AISLE: You are absolutely right, and "Unbagged" will be happy to read your story - along with the rest of us.

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com

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