Ask Amy

Sunday, January 24, 2010 at 11:45pm

DEAR AMY: I recently discovered that my boyfriend of six months is taking an antidepressant. I know this because I work in pharmaceuticals and have experience in this therapeutic category.

While I wasn't snooping (the prescription bottle was on his dresser in plain view), he may think that I was snooping.

In the time we've been together, I've disclosed some very personal information to him. I feel that we have established enough trust in the relationship that he should be comfortable enough to trust me and reciprocate.

He has communicated his hopes and intentions; we've talked marriage and kids.

Isn't this information he should share with someone he considers to be a future wife/confidant/life partner?

Do I have a right to confront him, and, if so, how do I handle this?

Obviously, it's a very delicate matter.

— Dealing With a Dilemma

DEAR DILEMMA: The more delicate the matter, the more delicate the "confrontation" should be.

Your first mistake is to see this as a confrontation rather than a conversation.

You know from your experience with pharmaceuticals that it's no crime to take an antidepressant, and the good news is that if your guy has depression, he is treating it responsibly and (apparently) successfully.

If this bottle of medicine is in full view, then ask him about it. Say, "Honey, isn't this an antidepressant? Is it for you?"

If the bottle is not in sight, tell him you saw it and have been wondering about it.

If he accuses you of snooping, then there will be another layer to this conversation.

You are correct in thinking that you and your guy should talk about all sorts of personal and intimate things — certainly if you are contemplating marriage. You must be open about your health issues and family histories.


DEAR AMY: My fiance and I got engaged this past summer, and after his parents learned of our engagement, they have been nothing but rude and unsupportive.

They don't approve of the church in which our ceremony will take place.

Because they do not agree with the church and religion, they will not acknowledge our upcoming wedding.

This has caused hurt and frustration, to say the least.

I have remained civil for my fiancé's sake, but I have a hard time being around them and would rather have nothing to do with them.

They speak terribly about me and have made it very clear they will not support our wedding financially or with their presence at the ceremony.

My fiancé does not agree with their actions and views, but is giving them every opportunity to make things right because they are his parents.

Please tell me the best way to deal with this.

— Frustrated Bride

DEAR FRUSTRATED: This is bound to cause both of you a lot of pain, but your fiancé's parents are giving you a very clear view of your future.

Look it square in the eye and make a choice. If you get married, your in-laws will continue to be rude, rejecting and controlling if you give them the opportunity.

You and your fiancé should agree to establish clear and consistent boundaries with his folks. You should continue to be civil and he should be realistic about their limitations, saying, "I'm sorry you won't be at our wedding, but we accept your choice."

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com

Filed under: Lifestyles