DEAR AMY: I am 8-1/2 months pregnant with my second child. I am a stay-at-home mom. Unfortunately, my pregnancy is causing me to snore. My husband wakes me up throughout the night to tell me to stop or get me to change positions.
I've asked him to stop waking me because it is really hard for me to fall asleep as it is and after he wakes me up, I sometimes can't fall back asleep for at least an hour.
He says that because I stay at home with our 2-year-old son, I can nap in the afternoon — and that he needs his rest for work.
I found out that when he was on a business trip he had to share a room with someone who snored. I teasingly asked him if he woke that person up throughout the night. My husband said the person's snoring didn't bother him because he wore earplugs.
I asked him to wear earplugs at home and said I'd set my alarm and wake him when he needed to get up for work.
He shrugged off my suggestion and continues to wake me.
His night awakenings have gotten so bad that I've started sleeping on the uncomfortable guest bed, tossing and turning most of the night.
I think he's being a selfish jerk and should let me sleep. What is your take?
— Mad Mom
DEAR MAD: If earplugs worked for your husband and he bothered to wear them in your bed, neither of you would wake up during the night. His refusal to do so must remind you of your toddler's behavior.
I assume you have checked with your physician and there is no cure for your temporary snoring, so the only other solution I can envision is for your husband to sleep in the guest bedroom during the last phase of your pregnancy.
Your husband is being selfish. Assume that sleep deprivation has made him cranky.
You could try to open this topic with him during a neutral moment by saying, "I'm sorry about the snoring. I know it's disruptive. Can you help me think of a solution so we can both get more sleep at night, honey?"
DEAR AMY: Later this year I will wed the love of my life.
This is his first marriage and my third; it will be a small, intimate affair. We are both pushing 50, and neither of us has children, but we both like kids.
I have four couples who are friends with small children. After some lengthy conversations among us, we would like to have our day with adults only. Most of these couples will welcome the chance to get a baby sitter and party for a few hours. However, other couples will be offended, and that worries me.
We are not in regular contact with these families — they are old friends of mine.
Should I call these couples before I send out the invitations and explain that our wedding is adults only?
How can I tactfully word it on our invitation?
— Worried in Colorado
DEAR WORRIED: You shouldn't use any specific wording on the printed invitation delineating who in the household is invited and who is excluded.
Address the envelope (and its inner envelope) to the couple in question.
After the invitation is received, you can contact your friends who have kids and say, "We're sorry we aren't able to include children in the invitation, but we'd be happy to try to arrange child care locally if you need it. Just let us know."
DEAR AMY: Your response to "Belle," who wrote about her husband's tendency toward clutter, missed an important possibility.
He may have undiagnosed adult ADD. I wish I could count the organizing tools I've dragged home over a lifetime — baskets, file drawers, labels, etc. — only to lapse back into clutter after the initial excitement of getting organized had passed.
Getting screened for ADD at age 54 and finding effective treatment has been a game-changer for me. It doesn't hurt to check it out.
— Following Through in Oregon
DEAR FOLLOWING THROUGH: Many adults have contacted me to say that a diagnosis of adult attention-deficit disorder has helped them to understand their impulses and behavior.
I'm happy to learn that treatment is working for you.
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