Ask Amy

DEAR AMY: I'm a married man in my early 40s.

My wife and I live in a great community. We really make an effort to live within our means. We don't have cable TV, we drive older cars that are paid for and we have no debt other than our house.

The current economy and these financial choices do not leave much time or money for extravagant vacations.

Because my wife misses her family, we fly 2,000 miles to visit her folks twice a year.

Am I out of place to think that a) We skip a year and have a family vacation somewhere else, such as Yellowstone, Disneyland, etc. b) I stay home and let her visit her folks with the kids — although I wonder why I should be alone for two weeks just because after 10 years I'd like to do something else with my vacation time.

My wife and I argued about this, and now her parents have agreed to pay for our plane tickets.

I'm still not happy.

— Frustrated Father

DEAR FRUSTRATED: This isn't really about money. This is about you not wanting to spend every single vacation with your in-laws.

And, brother, I'm on your side.

Your wife should definitely spend time with her family, but you two have a family together, and you could also develop vacation experiences with your kids outside of her family's orbit.

You visit your in-laws twice a year. So next year, visit them once as a family and then do something different with your children. You should also invite these grandparents to visit your home.

Because you've hidden behind the red herring of money, your in-laws have called your bluff. Try doing things differently next year.

DEAR AMY: I have been married to a very kind man who adores me for seven years. He runs his own business and keeps a nice roof over our heads.

Opposites attracted: I am very outgoing while he is quiet and reserved.

One thing has bothered me for quite some time. He never asks people about themselves. He is, however, quick to answer questions and talk about his successful business at great length.

My friends think he doesn't like them because he never talks to them.

After work, I ask about his day and then wait for him to ask me about mine, but he never does.

I was very upset about this recently. His response was, "If you wanted me to know what you did during the day, you would tell me, right?"

To his credit, he has asked me once or twice since then about my day, but it felt forced. I feel he is not listening to me when I respond.

Am I expecting too much for him to show an interest?

— Frustrated in Calif.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: People who are shy sometimes hide behind talking. They don't quite understand the important dynamic behind social conversation.

Conversing well is a learned skill; let your husband practice on you and encourage his efforts. Any new skill feels forced at first, but your positive reinforcement should make a difference, long term.

A book you should both read is Are You Really Listening?: Keys to Successful Communication by Paul Donoghue and Mary Siegel (2005, Sorin Books).