Ask Amy

Tuesday, May 15, 2012 at 10:05pm

DEAR AMY: I don't mean to lead guys on — it just happens!

I have a friend who thinks I'm in love with him. I was nice to him and listened to his issues about his health and work. I may have talked a little sexy, but I never meant a word of it. Now I can't turn on my computer without seeing a message from him. He even calls me and wants to meet me every time he's in my area (OK, we have met up before).

He has put down his wife to me, and I have gotten to know her through people we both know, and I know this is not fair to her.

I love my husband very much and my friend is nothing like him.

My friend is not the guy I want to have an affair with (now if he buys me a new house and new car, maybe — just kidding).

I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I do want him to back off. I have a lot of other married male friends that I chat with the same way and we get together too.

I'm a bad girl, I guess, so maybe in a way I am cheating on my husband, but am I supposed to change?

— Dumbfounded

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: "Just kidding" is no joke when you are deliberately toying with someone.

If you want things to change, then you have to change.

One way to change is to make a choice to start behaving like a grown-up in a marriage and to start seeing the effect your actions have on other people (this man's wife and your husband, for instance). You can only do this if you stop thinking you are so darned adorable.

DEAR AMY: There is an employee in our office who is pumping breast milk.

She leaves all of the pumping equipment and milk on top of her desk for all to see. There have been complaints from clients and employees alike, but she contends that "it's natural" and says that everyone should just "get over it."

We have tried closing her door, but she always opens it. It is very unprofessional and irritating to all of us that she doesn't see how dumb this is.

Don't say "tell your supervisor," because that's a whole other ball of wax.

— Got Milk? Unfortunately, Yes!

DEAR GOT MILK: I can't imagine that it is hygienic to leave breast pumping equipment and breast milk out on one's desk, but that is really your colleague's (and her baby's) problem.

Unless your colleague is exposing her breasts at a public staff meeting, I suggest that you respond to her by closing your own door.

Because you aren't willing to involve your supervisor, the less attention you pay to this, the better. Your colleague may be enjoying how riled up you all are. So yes, follow her advice and "get over it."

DEAR AMY: I have noticed that many of your recent columns have had to do with the fallout from infidelity.

I was a relatively happily married man who got caught up in a nine-year affair with a co-worker with whom I was required to travel.

It started after an alcohol-related encounter on a business trip. After that, she was relentless in pursuing me as she saw me as her "knight in shining armor."

She was miserable in her marriage and hoped for a future with me. She threatened to expose our one night stand to my wife, family and employer unless I continued the relationship.

When my wife inadvertently discovered the affair, I was relieved. She was shocked and heartbroken. I begged her forgiveness, and we immediately began counseling to repair our marriage.

Our grown children were so angry that they would not speak to me, but as time has gone on they have accepted the fact that I am not perfect and they realize how truly remorseful I am.

I have been given a second chance with my sexy, beautiful and loving wife, and I feel like the luckiest man alive.

— Grateful

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm happy to share your story with readers.

Send questions via email to Amy Dickinson's memoir, The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.

Filed under: Lifestyles
Tagged: ask amy

3 Comments on this post:

By: NewYorker1 on 5/16/12 at 2:21

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED and GRATEFUL, if it looks like a whore, walks like a whore, talks like a whore, then baby it's a WHORE.

DEAR GOT MILK: When the nasty scank isn't watching put a little Icy Hot around the rim of her breast pump and/or some Gorilla Glue.

By: BenDover on 5/16/12 at 3:04

lol NY1

By: yogiman on 5/16/12 at 6:17

I'd say DUMBFOUNDED identified herself before the crowd. She's showing her lack of intelligence, too.