We live in a "cell-phone-a-friend" world. People use their cars as mobile telephone booths. They drive around in cars about as exciting as a refrigerator, feel bored - thus compelled and empowered - to use their newly-acquired cell phones to reach out and annoy someone. But who do they call? The friend they just had coffee with in the mall? I saw two women talking to each other while sitting parked side by side in the mall parking lot. They were probably discussing something they forgot to mention five minutes ago at their just-adjourned coffee klatch.
No wonder New York State has banned the use of hand-held cell phones while driving. Phones are not much good any more anyway. Imagine a commuter during rush hour on the Bronx River Parkway trying to call, say, his bank and hearing "For checking account balance, press one. To apply for online drug money laundering, press two. For overseas vacation loans, enter the name of the continent in which your destination is located. If you wish to speak to an operator, press zero. All operators are currently busy handling other calls or are away from their desks. Leave your number and an operator will return your call the second Tuesday after the first full moon following Bastille Day. If you wish to hear this menu again ... ."
That's why you should be driving a new Chevy C1500 Tahoe. First, it's not boring. The standard engine is a 4.8 liter 275 horsepower V-8. Its optional Vortec 5.3 liter V-8 with 285 horsepower will enable you to outrun or outmaneuver the tailgater behind you talking on his hand-held cell phone, trying to get someone at the bank. It