Warning: Miatas may be too enjoyable

Wednesday, June 13, 2001 at 1:00am

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the Mazda Miata is the best-selling two-seater roadster in the history of the automobile. That scares me. You know some self-appointed group of protectionists is going to take notice and demand government action. If people are enjoying something, there is bound to be something wrong with it. And lawmakers are always looking for something else to regulate. I can just hear the impassioned oratory of a silver-tongued doddering octogenarian ringing out through the Senate chamber.

"Mister Speaker, the Miata claims to be a roadster. Mazda and the Guinness Book can call the Miata a roadster all they want, but they're not fooling us lawmakers. I say the Miata is a sports car, and we all know what that means.

"That's right, Mister Speaker, pleasure. That starts with P and rhymes with T, and that stands for trouble. P and T are in the same alphabet as M, and that stands for Miata. Drivers of open roadsters are being overexposed to dangerous ultraviolet rays, a major cause of malignant melanoma. Is this what we want? The heavy burden of their health care expenses will fall on the backs of taxpayers. It's up to us to protect them from themselves for their own good.

"Allow me to enter into the record this late

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