Saying that Knoxville Republican Sen. Stacey Campfield occasionally causes a stir is like saying that the AIDS epidemic originated with an airline pilot and a monkey who loved each other very much — it’s obvious, and we think most people know that. (Somebody told us this.) But recently, this one-man HuffPo-Content-Generator seems to have achieved a new level of popularity. And the bandwagon is filling up.
Good Nashville hipsters that we are, though, we liked his old stuff better. To put it in colloquial terms — sure EVERYONE is excited about Jack White’s solo album now, but we were humming that “Seven Nation Army” riff in ’03, and we bought the self-titled album the day it came out. Moreover, while digging through years of Campfield’s back catalog (your prayers are appreciated), we discovered that $#*% Campfield Says ages like fine wine. Give him a few years and the comments he’s making now will shine like gold.
The selections below are just a sample of some of his greatest hits. We’ve done our best to provide the necessary context below. Is this exhaustive? No. But these are a few comments that are worth giving another spin, for one reason or another. Think we missed something or want to sample more for yourself? Well then, as Stacey Campfield would say, just Google it yourself.
“Someone who is not from Africa, someone who is not a homosexual, someone who is not an IV drug user, someone who is not sleeping with someone who is one of those things.”
—Campfield, to WBIR-TV in Knoxville, clarifying what he means by “regular” when he said, “The odds of a regular man getting it from a regular woman are very low.”
“I am sure if there is any college in the world that has done everything possible to keep criminals with guns off campus it is Virginia Tech. I am sure they have passed every sort of ban and law out there to make sure criminals know guns are not allowed on campus.
How has it worked?
Well, there is another mass shooting going on on the campus of Virginia Tech as I type this.”
—Campfield, a proponent of allowing guns on college campuses, taking a minute to update his blog as a gunman was still roaming the Virginia Tech campus.
“We’re always worried about doing this and that and 85 million different things. If I can take one thing away and say, hey, you don’t have to teach about homosexuality to your second-graders, you can spend more time on arithmetic.”
—Campfield in an interview with Knoxville’s Metro Pulse, explaining how his “Don’t Say ‘Gay’ ” bill would remove an unnecessary burden from elementary school teachers.
“Unfortunately, these have been problem tenants.”
—Campfield to the Knoxville
News Sentinel after the city codes office deemed a house he owned and was renting “unfit for human habitation.”
“Well, Sherry, if I had sex with you, I wouldn’t want to pay for your children.”
—Campfield, as reported by the Knoxville News Sentinel, interrupting Rep. Jeanne Richardson to address Rep. Sherry Jones during a House Children and Family Affairs Committee debate regarding Campfield’s bill that would have made it easier for men to get out of child support payments if it was proven that they weren’t the child’s father.
“You’re just advertising to the crazies where they can go for the easy pickings, where they are going to face no resistance, where it’s going to be taking sheep and leading them to the slaughter.”
—Campfield to UT journalism site TNJN.com, on the implications of not allowing faculty and staff of Tennessee schools to carry weapons on campus. In the same article, UT police chief August J. Washington said: “Allowing more guns on campus would not increase safety. In fact, we think the opposite is true.”
“I can’t make a value judgment on every person out there. ... You’re making me make value judgments on other people and I can’t. ...”
—Campfield responding to questions from Rep. Rob Briley about whether or not he thinks adultery or premarital sex are appropriate, during debate about the aforementioned paternity bill.
“Anyone who does not have political aspirations should remove their name from the ballot. Thank you.”
—Campfield in response to Rep. Kent Williams’ lament on the Senate floor that certain amendments to SJR127, a controversial abortion resolution, were simply acts of political posturing in an election year.
“Wow! What a novel concept! Using shame to deter negative actions. How many bad situations could be deterred by putting a little public shame associated with things we don’t want.”
— Campfield, on his blog, supporting the idea of using public shame to deter individuals from doing things the rest of society doesn’t like. In this post, he’s responding to a mall that put up pictures of convicted shoplifters. He also mentions convicted felons, drunk drivers and child predators as possible targets of corrective shame, but not mouthy politicians.
“Some things I just don’t get no matter how much I try.”
— Campfield, on his blog. This quote is taken completely out of context, but it’s great isn’t it?